Sunday, January 20, 2013

"Mom, where do babies come out?"

Notice the phrase: not "where do babies come from?" but "where do babies come out?". I was driving back from a friend's house in Columbia, hands at ten and two on the steering wheel, when I heard the question from the back.

The boys were tuned in to Toy Story 3 on the DVD. But not Madi. She was focusing on the "how" of life.

I wasn't prepared for the question. And that's an understatement. I know a few moms who answer "from your belly button". Now, I get it. I do. But frankly, that would freak me out more than the truth. So I embraced a tactic that has worked for me for years.

I pretended to not hear her. It didn't work. She asked louder. I may have said "huh?". She asked again.

Here is how that conversation went:

ME: "Well, when babies are ready they just come out!"

Madi: "I know that!!! But where do they come out?"

Her tone was the mix of innocently relying on you for information with a little warning that you better not screw with her. I know that tone.

ME: "You have special parts where the baby comes from when it's time."

Madi: "Okay. But where are those parts?"

ME: "Ummm...."

Madi: "Mom, I asked you where they were!"

ME: "I heard you! They are between your legs!"

Now, I think we are all adults here, right? I mean, I hope I have not ruined this for the rest of you. I swear I did my best.

Madi: "Oh!! So that's why you were laying in the bed after you had Will! Well, will it tear my pants?"

ME: "You got it! And no, your pants will be fine!"

Madi: "Well good! I hope I get to see it when I get older!"

ME: "You will!"

Madi: "Yeah... And then they will put the baby in one of those special beds. It will be great! Hey Mom, did I tell you I had cheese pizza for dinner?"

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